I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
