Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
