Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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