I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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