Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
