i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
