I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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