So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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