I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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