Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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