you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
