I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
