I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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