Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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