My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
