I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
