good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.