I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.