he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??