I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
