Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
