If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
