My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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