You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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