hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
