I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I cockslap morals
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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