fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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