you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
