Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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