Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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