all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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