I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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