You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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