Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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