i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
