Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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