I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
