Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
