Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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