I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
