I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
