I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
