He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize