just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
