she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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