Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
