Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
