guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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