Ambien. No doubt about it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
