Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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