I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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