A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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