I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
