Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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