I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
