My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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