whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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