I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
