i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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