I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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