WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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