when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
