we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
