3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
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I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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