he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
