Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude. I can hear the air.
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