If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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