did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
