What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
