Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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