thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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