I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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