Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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