The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
