the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
