shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
