So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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