I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
