from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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