He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
