dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
