you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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