I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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