I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
