It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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