I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
